Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
