she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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