True but thats because hes a fetus.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
