She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
