we have pet lesbian snakes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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