the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
