After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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