You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just cut my nipple shaving
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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