Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize