They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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