DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
