i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
