Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize