just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
