yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize