The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
