just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
