You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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