Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
where does the pee come out of this thing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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