its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
