i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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