god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
