He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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