the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I smell stomach acid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
