Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
