my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
