yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
