Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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