The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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