what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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