Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
high people should be assigned attendants
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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