yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
