Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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