you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
