Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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