bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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