some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
