I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
