she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize