she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
