I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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