there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
