We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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