At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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