yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
