Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
