My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
