If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
