i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize