i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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