Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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