So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize