the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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