I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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