He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
