today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
