You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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