I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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