I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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