u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
