Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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