You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
