Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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