The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
