i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize