my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
