you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
whose parrot is this?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
