So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
