Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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