so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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