At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My pussy is not your playground.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
