Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
