What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found a bag of teeth...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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