In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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