oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
